PRICK

I was an ugly geezer by the time I got to college. My hair was all down here, and my clothes were all too small, so everyone got to have a proper gander down the crack of my arse when I sat down. I owned about two t-shirts and a pair of joggers that never saw a lick of soap. My mate used to joke that you could comb enough grease out my hair for the chippy.
Half-way into the year this fit bird caught my eye, she had an arse like this, and it got me to clean myself up. I cut my hair short, bought a couple pairs of jeans off a mate and pierced my septum. I tried going to the gym, but I couldn’t stick it. This bird would smoke, so I got into fags and all. My man down the corner shop would do me half-off ‘cos I used to wash his cars, but I swear he’d give me his old, used lighters. My mum used to get funny with me, but I used to tell her, ‘It’s my life though’.
One day I go up to the bird and ask for a ciggie and so she passes me the one she just lit and lights up a fresh one. I try to chat her up but she’s playing it hot and cold, so in the end I just get direct and ask her to go for a drink. She says she don’t drink. I say I’ll pay, and suddenly she loves to drink. I bum a tenner off a mate and take her to the pub.
Not a lot happened that night, was just a bit of a laugh, but we ended up going out again a few days later, and then again to get a Maccie’s on the weekend. Ended up as a thing. We dated for maybe six months, but she kept texting all these guys who were just her ‘good mates’ but I knew better. In the end I couldn’t take the disrespect anymore, so I left her to it. I found out for the last three weeks of our stint together that some other bloke had been shagging her arse off and all. It weren’t one of her mates though, it were some older guy who lived across town she met on some dating app. I’ve been working on myself since.
The other day I was looking at a picture from secondary school. It was a picture of me holding my GCSE certificates. I hadn’t done half bad. But I have to admit, I looked a right prick. I still do.